Monday, September 12, 2011

In Case You Didn't Know

Well this has been a hell of a past few years fighting all this. I don't know what I could have done for my family to take the stance they have taken but for whatever it's worth, I am sorry. I am truly sorry for everything I did to hurt you guys. I never meant for this to happen. I never in a million years would have thought I would be in this position I really have no idea what I could have done. I gave it my all trying to get away from the life I left behind a few years ago. That's all I really ever wanted was to leave all that behind and never look back but it hasn't been that easy. That's what I am trying to understand. Why won't it let me go? Is it wrong for a man to want a normal life, get to see his daughter, work, enjoy life, enjoy friends? When does the point come to where I may have the credibility for other people to accept that or believe that? I mean damn haven't I been through enough? Well I am here to tell you yes I have had enough and I wish I could make up for all the hurtful things I have done and I thought by taking a stand against all that crap would make a difference but it's hard to stand behind someone in my position, I fully understand that. I am not the bad guy nor am I a bad person at all. My heart is golden and I would do anything for anybody. I always fought for the under dog. I only pray that my chances are not as slim as I am seeing them right now. I just want my people to know that I love them- all of them, my friends, I love you all, Jayden Paul, I love you too sweetheart. I fought so hard for you I just don't want anyone to be able to tell you differently. All this has sure taken alot out of your ole dad baby and I know not what the next minute entails, but I am hoping to make it out of this one hopefully for the last time. The fact of the matter is that if I get caught before I have the money to rebond back out that my life is over. I will be railroaded till the sun comes up and it won't be pretty. I don't understand a lot of things but it is what it is. Life doesn't always make a whole lot of sense or is ever going to be fair by any means but I gave it my all and I have a lot of love. Being in love and having a little girl that doesn't know you doesn't make anything any easier. I made some wrong desicions and I guess there are some folks that feel I need to pay for them regardless of the impact I have had helping people. Regardless of my dedication to help others there is still a well oiled judicial machine that keeps on turning. Pray for me friends and family because they are out for me and I am not real willling to go with them just yet. I have a portion of the money it would take to keep me out maybe Jim Shaw will work something out with me because the job I have now will allow me to make the rest rather quickly if given the opportunity. Thanks to all, I appreciate everyone reading.