Saturday, September 10, 2011


easy when it seems that I am not as cool or fun to be around when I'm looking down the barrel of a gun so to speak. It's not so great to try to be like me now I have come to find out. I have also come to the conclusion that the general consensus may be a bunch of bullshit a lot of the time and I'm not buying it. People's perceptions have been known to be distorted or miscalculated due to some misconstrued outside deceptive factors. Agreed? Agreed.
I was lying in a super fluffy bed at a pretty posh undisclosed location in New York a few nights ago that some business associates put me up in and all of a sudden a light went off in my head. A brilliant idea had suddenly popped into my brain. I am scrambling to get Jim Shaw paid so I can see my daughter again before my Dallas appearance on October 3rd so that my other big bond doesn't get forfeited and all my chances of pulling out of this go down the tubes. I am in the middle of brokering a deal with a non-profit organization that may be willing to put on a fundraiser that would accept tax deductible donations to help me and others that are in a life determining bind and are trying to do right to change their lives. In turn I offer my services for the donations like mob hits, accidental accidents- no I'm just kidding but for work that most would rather pay to do so that they could enjoy their families or just life in general. We are still hammering out the details but I have brand new paint rigs, power washers, with a few kind souls who have 30 plus years experience painting and doing jobs like that that are willing to help the cause. Helping me helps further my endeavors in helping others. The impact on society in implementing some programs that can truly help transform lives of those plagued by addiction can be huge. Everyone out there has someone in their lives that suffers from that or is in a high risk group to becoming susceptible to the dangers of drugs and alcohol. The fact of the matter is that some people cannot handle it and nothing good comes from people that don't know or who have forgotten how to live and deal with their lives whether it be good or bad. We travel down roads in our lives and alot of us took wrong turns so does that mean we have to continue to the dead end and hope the next round can figure something out to help save another loved one from these tragedies? The disgusting thing is that it doesn't take that much effort to make it the norm to "fix" people who have had to endure these hardships. The truth and the bright side is that it is possible to cure these people. I am a totally different person than I was a few years ago but it's difficult getting my voice to be heard. Believe me when your own immediate family can't support you because of a bunch of bullshit politics within it can be really discouraging.  Sometimes I feel like Rudy and all I need to keep me going is that somewhere someone is cheering for me whether it be publicly or not. It sure does light a fire in my heart to know that someone cares. Right now I have to be strong because the light in the tunnel has been flickering and its up to me to take responsibility and pull myself up out of all this. Sure I could be on a private plane headed out of the country within the hour undetected I promise you, but I have to take that risk for my little girl so she doesn't have to grow up wondering why her Daddy didn't love her. That is so far from the truth because I do love Jayden Paul so very much and I have to fight till the end. I will not live a life not knowing my daughter or seeing her through iron bars if that were ever a possibility, I would rather die fighting than live like that. That is my creedo and I stand behind it 100%. Everyone knows in their heart the difference between right and wrong. Sometimes sitting idle makes you just as guilty than taking a risk and making a mistake or seeing a loved one lose a life because of it. People can make all the excuses they want for some but it is quite evident that there has been some shitty stuff going on and because of my badckground my credibility is shot. All of a sudden I am a fucking liar and a cheat you know what anyone that really knows me that before I stoop to trhe level of being a pussy and snitching on people to get out of t5his or lying to make myself look better that I will fade what I have coming but I am not about to lay down and let this consume me. There is going to be a fight. I have a dream and it isn't all about me it's about helping make the world a better place for our children. With this being said I am signing off. I will have more details Tuesday evening. For all of you that read this please leave some comments especially if I have impacted you or anyone you know in a positive manner. I need all the feedback I can get to discredit the ugly picture they are trying to paint of me based on a myriad of falsehoods. I need to be able to show something that is the total opposite of all that. I would really appreciate it and it would really help alot. Peace and love.