Monday, June 20, 2011


Some may be confused as to the purpose of these memoirs. Well let me say this, I have a pretty extensive vocabulary and I can spell better an most. My punctuation and grammar aren't too bad for a felon, convict, ex-dopehead either. I cuss because I like it. I cuss because it emphasizes the emotion I'm expressing into the statement. Look Im no brainiac or genius but Im fucking close . If anyone else says that me cussing in my own personal blog means that I am an unfit father or a neanderthal street thug they can kiss my white ass- ya dig? Im off the cuff, I'm off the charts so whatever. By no means am I glorifying drugs or the miserable life it tends to furnish those stupid enough to think differently. Was I stupid? A real jackass. I should be a freedom fighter big shot attorney right now, but instead I'm CLAWING THE TOILET BOWL FOR MY LIFE. Life is peculiar because in all reality things turned out exactly the way they were supposed to. I'm a freedom fighter for sure now and Ive landed in a position where I will make so much more of an impact on society and the world by showing the young (and old) people out there that anything is possible. Miracles can become reality if you just believe in yourself and never give up. Even if everyone is against you and you feel all alone you have to keep doing the next right thing. You have to put one foot in front of the other. Set goals and go after them with all your might. Don't stop until you are living your dreams. Let's not fool ourselves am I a saint? Of course not. I know my way around the drug world from big time players to the fiends on the street and yeah I've been both. Im not just some guy that got caught with a couple of joints sitting here trying to tell everyone how bad it is. Man I've lived it, I've done it, I've had it, and I've lost it all in the same breath. Im being charged with almost half a kilo of methamphetamine and looking at 30 real years in Fort Worth, and 50 real years in Dallas,  stacked. That means a total of 80 years, not the range not the possibility, real offers. Okay? So if you think I'm full of shit you better ask somebody. The DA's have been hacking my facebook when they arent on my friend list and that is just the tip of the iceburg when it comes to how dirty they will get just so they can increase their statistics for their conviction ratio. Are there innocent people in prison? Of course there are, we see it everyday. Hell somebody had to go down for those crimes no matter if they were guilty or not. They can put on the horse and pony show trying to sell that bullshit to the public that they really believed the person was guilty. Not to say there arent a bunch of assholes that deserve alot worse than what they are getting in prison. If the general public actually knew of the atrocities that go on in the Texas Penal  System they would have a stroke. If they knew what their son that drove drunk 3 times was really going to have to endure there would be an uprising. It is a sick twisted demented backwards ass existence. Murder, rape, assaults, degradation, unlivable conditions. In the summer in Texas it is hot. Well very few of the prisons have air conditioning which is a punishment of it's own. Not to mention that you are degraded and totally broke down as a human being by uneducated, redneck, racist, pieces of shit that just dont know any better. My step sisters uncle is Don Hutto who owns CCA so don't even try to tell me I dont know what Im talking about after 7 years in that hell hole. Im one of the lucky ones who have a strong mental capacity and withstood all the torture virtually unscathed. I learned to hate, I learned to be a better criminal, I learned that I would be marked for life and things would be made extremely difficult for me to survive with a criminal record, but I did my time. Was I rehabilitated at that point- Oh yes boss it totally reformed me and I was all better after prison. Convicts are the biggest cash crop in Texas mind you. The real story of all that corruption would make you sick if you knew the truth. Oh but lets spend more money to send them to prison rather than try to make productive, decriminalized citizens out of them when it takes less money. Wake the fuck up Texas you can't handle the truth. Now I have these renegade prosecutors that are trying to make the public think they are doing them a favor when really they are making a huge mistake. People can be cured of their addictions and made into productive, honest, tax paying citizens. Yeah I said that and its true. I am a product of that program and I am writing this so that people can hear my story and hear that there are alternatives. There is an answer and it's not locking away everyone on drugs. Dopemans Bible refers to a set of lessons to be learned by a man plagued by drugs his whole life. Not that I am somebody, I am a survivor and a fighter. Now the implementation of this type of rehabilitation has long been overdue and to get these crooked greedy politicians to steer in that direction isnt going to be easy but there are municipalities that are gearing towards that trend. I have to be heard. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME HAS TO GO PUBLIC PEOPLE HAVE TO KNOW. If not me and everyone else will just be a notch in some prosecutors belt. This blog is a prequel to the book which is going to tell the whole story and hell I may even incorporate it in to this and the rest of the world can buy it when I win. Touche. My story isn't for the weak at heart or the timid. It has damn near killed me fighting all this. I have endured some injustices and rule number one; life isnt always fair so boo hoo for me. Who cares? Someone might. I accept responsibility for my actions and I choose to try and repair my past  and save some people that have been haunted by the similar problems I have faced thus far. Every single charge i have ever had is drug possession and it started out with 1000 hits of acid in Lubbock Texas. I have been busted with Cocaine, GHB, Ecstacy, Vicodin, Xanax, Methamphetamine, LSD, mushrooms and I even got 220 days for possession of a dangerous drug being viagra in Denton, Texas. I think the charge was aggravated hard on. Yeah hard on, they all have one for me because they try to make me out to be this terrible person, a monster if you will. Have I ever been one? Probably so, but I have a priest making comments on my blog for goodness sake. I mean come on Father Kirk is one of the best guys you'll ever meet in the world aside from him being a priest. Father Kirk used to be a cop so how do you like that? There are judges, attorneys, housewives, gangsters, moms, dads, cops, priests, DA's reading this blog and I hope they all get the message Im trying to convey here and you all will in due time. Meanwhile I am reaching out to the lost souls who have no hope, who think there is no other way. Well let me tell you something, I was one of those lost souls who would have rathered died than think there was help out there and it's my way to make good on all the shitty stuff i have done. If it reaches one person it has done it's job. If you really want to know what has brought me to this point stay tuned because this isn't just a blog to roast peoples asses, it's a story of a great turnaround. It's a story that shows that drugs make people do things they never would have ever considered. Addiction is a huge problem in society and if there is no one better to shed some light on the situation it's me. I have fucked up everything in my path that had anything to do with me being a genuinely happy productive person- until now. So for the one who have chosen to turn the other cheek while I could have been gone already it's going to be too late to come back after I win it all. The damage is done, it;s easy to stand behind someone who has everything together. The fact is that when I was going away forever you stood by and watched on a few occasions then you scream about how much you love me and how much I hurt you all these years. Well I got over it but you didn't. My life means nothing to you and you still even refuse to wish me a Happy Fathers Day you fucking hypocrites. When I needed you and my life really depended on it you weren't there. While you are leading your fancy lifestyle with all your fancy friends I was going hungry with no place to live. Mind you this is recently. When I had no electricity in the summer you couldn't even call. It's a little different when it's do or die. I have always been here you just never needed me. Well now I dont need you anymore but remember that I made an effort to make things good to make them right and you didn't care you were so self consumed with saving the world that you forgot about me. I am strong now and will always make it somehow some way. You have your own issues to deal with and that's where I am lucky- I have that one under my belt already, so don't go manipulating things to seem that you weren't wrong because you were and you won't admit it. I admitted it and accepted responsibility. Before you say you love me take a good look inside because you might be fooling everyone else and yourself but you arent fooling me. I know better. You can't use the being on drugs to discredit or invalidate me anymore. I am of sound mind and will forgive you whenever you become humble enough to admit it to yourself like I did. Deuces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!