EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN CRY?

Today I went to spend the hour with my daughter Jayden Paul that I am allotted every other week. We played the monkey board game where you catapult the monkeys from a catapult up into the tree, it's our favorite board game to play. The hour always goes so fast and we have the best time in the world. She is a firecracker and as sassy as her real Mom. She sits on my lap and kisses her Daddy while we just get used to eachother. I'll tell you what out of all the bad I have ever done or felt in my heart it all disappears when we are together. She understands me and I usually understand her, but what some fail to realize is that we need eachother. She actually says that she loves me and calls me Daddy. Is it crazy when your world just stops and starts to revolve around this beautiful innocent little girl. My god this has been a difficult journey. This was the second time she started to cry when the lady said time to go. I quickly scooped her up and told her she gets to see mama and that I loved her very much. Talk about the most gut wrenching feeling in the world. I give my best effort to hold that seemingly impossible smile while I quickly put on my Armani movie star sunglasses because the tears won't stop, my chest is so tight that it feels like borderline cardiac arrest but I don't feel like a movie star in any sense of the term. A terrible sadness begins to churn in my stomach and I am embarrassed to cry still even at 40 but I still fight it every time like I think something is going to give. Jayden wants to be with her Daddy so why can't she? Is an hour every other week when her caretaker doesn't cancel   a realistic time frame for me and my daughter to develop any kind of a bond? A little ,yes, but is it really enough time? It is enough for her to realize that she is a Daddy's girl. What kind of person tries to keep a father and daughter apart? Exactly. I have left all doors open for resolve, I will make any compromise just to see her, I will make all sacrifices necessary to be with my baby. She is my daughter and I have a right to see her. Now we have this situation. We are dealing with a deeply disturbed individual and it's not me for once. I heard it from Jaydens mama's dad, He tells Jaydens mother, "Do not let your sister or your mother get that baby because you will never see her again." They are planning to take your daughter." When her mother's sister is not supposed to be able to have children and supposedly miscarries a few weeks before Jayden's birth I start to recall the movies "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle"and "Sybill" among a few others. Check this out Leddy gets high while she is staying at her mother's trailer in Rendon. Now is it all starting to make sense? Both her bartender mother that has never been able to hold her liquor and her sister who I have personally seen blowing wanna be rock stars for blow in the bathroom in some swanky spot my friends used to own after way too many drinks have called the police on Leddy which ended in her being arrested on two seperate occassions. Hell that wanna be babynapper got me arrested too on some bogus ass bullshit where ,get this, my first is a jury trial setting. Jim aint tryin to hear it. I know for a fact that her sister tried to manipulate some high ranking political connections to get her parole denied to keep her from the baby. Say I'm lying bitch come to the trial and watch sworn testimony. Hey no one in their camp has had to take random UAs when I know that clown she cohabitates with had the balls to put his name in the petition for the final disposition eats xanax and valtrex like candy. I mean wouldn't you be bitter if your noble respectful wanna be husband that you secretly hate on one of the many extracurricular outings "working late tonight hun" brings home the gift that keeps on givin- yeah the herps! Take a valtrex a quit flapping your weiner polishers that couldn't tell the truth if you were under Bill Clintons desk ya dig? Does being able to spend exorbitant amounts of money that you bilked out of all your clients after cancelling their policies when making legitimate claims automatically certify you as a person with morals and ethics? Do things replace love? People try to overcompensate financially to mask their inadequacies in other areas. Do lies and deceitful tactics blur the fact that the absence of a male figure in a childs life has a negative impact? All the show and money is just a smokescreen to make people think everything is okay on the outside. All the finger pointing and the negative accusations only show what kind of people you really are. Anything I say will able to be verified by sworn testimony and scientific fact so keep being crappy. I will air the dirty laundry you think is hidden safely in the back of that closet. The truth is the truth. The thing you dont realize is that all my dirty laundry has been hung on the line to dry its all a matter of public record. I am an open book nothing to hide. Have the courage to tell the judge the truth about what you have done instead of making up shit about me. You haven't spent more than an hour with me in the past 6 years and you know all about my life aside from the bad? You had ample time to formulate an honest judgment on my character? You think you are just going to use black propaganda and come in and steal my daughter with lies and underhanded tactics? Its a matter of record that your dorky looking mansfield lawyer lied to the great Kyle Whittaker and the judge about you calling in to the visitation supervisor saying that it was Leddy. The reason he charges you so much because he risks being disbarred for having to lie for your idiotic hateful actions towards me to keep me from my daughter. Deny it, I can and will prove it. Your true colors will shine through. The truth will prevail, all you have done is attempted to descredit me with the possibility of a obscene prison term. Something obscene would really be for you and your mother to lay off the sauce at the next holiday celebration and not cause a drunken belligerent rude classless scene like you did one of the Thanksgivings I was there. You can take a gal out of the park but you cant take the trailer out of her sister. HAHAHA. OOOCh OUch oooeew. oooooooo. Tell the truth and see if you can win that way or just smother my baby in toys and material things and see if it makes up for the love you could never provide hating part of her blood. There is so much more to say about a person who actually tries to encourage a situation for a baby to get all the love she could instead of being a straight hater that can't differentiate the truth from the cloudy alcohol ridden facade you been liven girl. I have withstood all your accusations and feeble minded attempts to get both your sister and I taken out so you can steal our daughter. You already coerced your own sister to give up her rights using the threat of financial security as a desicion making tool. That's called extortion where I am from. I am here to tell you that when I do win full custody that I will never stoop to your level and try to keep her from you because I want my daughter to get all the love she can get. Your personal animocity keeps away the most important love that little girl needs- a daddy's love.  Not some creep that can't keep his two inch dragon of death in his pants long enough to shake of the filth and disrespect he tainted the woman he supposedly loves with. You take a drug test bitch!Those aren't the types of values I want my baby subjected to. Jayden will not grow up thinking it's okay to be mean to people and bully them around with money and lies to get what she wants. She will not grow up thinking that she can be a bartender or a insurance saleslady instead of going to college. She will know that treating others the way she wants to be treated is key to happiness and that lying is wrong. All the toys in the world can't instill values and integrity and neither can you when you have none. Here's the kicker when all of you have to come to my beautiful home in Costa Rica on the holidays to see her then I guarantee you will always be treated with the love and respect that you never gave me. I bet you wont get all wasted and start talking a bunch of bullshit like you always do because we don't tolerate that at my crib. Ill have you thrown into the ocean to cool off until you can act right. We aren't mean and hateful at my crib, we love great friends, family, and life. We stand by our principles for what is right and let the truth argue itsself because there is none. The fact is that its hard to argue the truth. You can twist it, turn it, flip it, but it's still the truth. Every time I visit my daughter the drive home without her is the longest ride I have ever been on and its gets lonlier every time but I keep that smile on and my chin up no matter what. Peace and LOve. j