Not On Your LIfe

Am I going to lay down and give up. People might think that im an operative for the DEA because I have been out on the street so long....well when they dont really have a case and Jim Shaw is always there to make my bonds I mean come on. I broke major bread before Jim took over my case on bonds alone. The DA's are playing dirtier than JJ is in my custody case. Like Big Papa said way back in the day we got no info for the DEA. Have I considered mowing down every piece of shit I have ever known to save my ass? Of course I have, but I can't bring myself to do that chickenshit bullshit. One thing is for sure I would never roll on my friends to get out of trouble. Never have never will. But there is some serious consideration towards those that have totally fucked me over, ripped me off, left me to fry, fucked my old lady, tried to deceive me for their own personal gains. Yeah fuck all those cocksuckers. Im like a loyal dog towards those who have helped me, cheered me on or just plain been a friend. Man true friends are hard to find and really hard to keep. I am forgiving and fair but there is nothing worse than some asshole thinking they are smarter than me and that they are getting over on me. That makes my blood boil. Got news for all you slick ass wanna be brain having motherfuckers- YOU WILL NEVER BE SMARTER THAN ME. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE BALLS TO GO TO THE EXTENT THAT I WILL. My biggest downfall is my heart and a pathetic need to be liked or have friends. Sure it upsets me that Leddys sister hates me, I want to change that, I just want to be liked by everybody. Hell thats why I'd do just about anything for anybody. People that talk shit either owe me money or are just so overrun with jealousy they will be green with envy their whole lives. Fuck em get over it. I bent over backwards for everybody in this town and gave the shirt off my back only to discover knives plunged deep in my back for it, but I continue to try and be cool with everybody. A simple Im sorry goes a long way with me and Im not afraid to say it myself. Then there are those who want to keep playing with my emotions and must be begging for a huge black man to hold a huge caliber hand cannon down their throats. Too much for me to bare. Ugh. I hate all that stuff but I hear it happens all the time. I genuinely want to help people and was doing it all the wrong ways for a long time. Im a good person at heart and want good for all even the so called bad ones. Now that I have learned how to channel and harness all that in a different direction Im a fucking snitch, or working for the police, or a sorry motherrfucker. You know what all those who honestly believe that can kiss my white ass. The people who truly know me know better. Get over it Im out of that life man, its over. God and Jim willing I will make it through this to live my ultimate dream.............to be a father, a son, a best friend, and maybe even a good loving husband to some gal in the future. Hell aren't I entitled to something normal? Havent I fucked up my life enough to have endured the hardships I brought on myself? I really think I have. Have I learned my lesson? Yes I have. Can I change? I have and continue daily. Can the white man get a break? Damn. Until tomorrow blogster fanatics its the 25th hour I am writing about and Im holding nothing back. Peace be with you all. Stay tuned because this is off the cuff, live and direct from an undisclosed location. HAHA. My house. Respect and Love to all.