CHIZZILLIN" THE MOST

Yeah man I've been a bit reclusive lately trying to think of the perfect stategy. You know I'm getting really tired of having my little girl cry when it's time to go during our visits. I mean come on what gives? Why is my wanting to be a dad such a huge problem and such a huge issue with the folks in the other camp? You people need to get real and finally realize that after damn near 4 years that there is really no case. Those people downtown aren't my friends, they don't like me. I'm no star witness for the DEA or anything like that so you really think that they are just letting me stay out here chillin because Im cool? Give me a fucking break. I got my Benz my bike, all my tvs back, cell phones, everything- two years ago. Baby's mama took a plea bargain on the case and gave oral testimony to the judge during sentencing that totally exonerates me two years ago also. I have been on Tarrant County's famous bond probation bullshit for two years with ua's every week and a surprise swab ambush- every single one of them CLEAN so what the fuck? The DA's office is really showing how dirty they really are by trying to side step the plea and the testimony by saying that there were two big pieces of dope in the Gwen Steffani purse that was next to baby's mama. Puuuuulease, can they be any more caddy? Duh? Dallas just now finds out that there warrant is bad thanks to Jim pointing out a few mistakes that those geniuses made......again. Mess around but Jim Shaw can dissect warrants like a finely tuned surgeon whose MCAT scores were in the top 1% in the nation in med school. Beat that. That man does not play except on the golf course in which I know he greatly enjoys. Luckily his legal prowess extends his Colonial like golf skills- just kidding Jim. I just want to be a DAD everyone. That's it. It's very simple I want to spend my life helping people and raising my daughter and continue being happy. Tarrant County can't swallow their pride and accept the fact that due to the incompetence of a few noteworthy narcotics officers who's names I will not mention due to the fact that retaliation is a reality that I live with every day.
 I have to say that I know I haven't been the model son, brother, nephew, or friend but I have given it a hell of an effort and made many attempts to show my yearning to be a part of the family again but I have run into brick wall. I do not understand at all I really don't. My feelings are hurt and I don't feel like I have anywhere to fit in. Has my tribe deserted me? I got over all the things I deemed as terrible that were done to me so why can't anyone get over me not coming to family holidays and ending up in prison for a few years. I got news for ya- those days are over. Is there so much guilt about testifying against me to CPS without taking the time to get all the facts straight? I have forgiven but there are still those who just can't forgive. Our family taught different values and I do not understand how some can sit idle when I reach out for help. Hey I am a grown up but family is family isn't it? Whatever I did I am sorry and I really miss my family and want to be a part of the tribe again. It can be really lonely, this fight I have been locked in for the past four years can wear a man down. It can be discouraging knowing that the people that are supposed to be by your side are just looking the other way thinking that I don't stand a chance listening to some outside influence that obviuosly doesn't know it's talking about. Hoorah! Just how much do I have to prove myself to regain entry into the clan that is supposed to have my back no matter what? You can block me on Facebook like a third grader but quit being hypocritical and preaching love, forgiveness, and consideration. We always were taught to respect other people's opinions and if what I have to say offends you so much that you can't understand then you have the problem. Assuming the adult role has it benefits but being able to communicate freely isn;t difficult anymore as much as it's portrayed to be. I speak the truth and some may think that I am wrong for putting my personal life  in the pubic eye but if you are ashamed of things you have done and want to go as far as to block me from your friends list them I feel sorry for you. I love you and all my family and I will do anything to prove that. I am willing to forgive and forget because all that is over, it is the past. I just want to be a dad. That's all I want. Am I asking too much.? I will take it to the airwaves evenmoreso because things need to be exposed. All my wrongs are on the internet and people talk about them freely and spread rumors that aren't even true. I have a break coming somewhere I can see it. I may have to make my own but like I always have done I will come out on top. Try me is all I can ask of anyone.